“Now that you are staying with me,” Troy tells me the next morning, “I shan’t have you holed up in the house all day long, doing whatever you please. There are a great many things to be required of a girl your age.”
“Like what?”
“Well, you must attend school, and learn how to read and write.”
“I already know how to read and write,” I explain, “Mom taught me.”
“Well, that is good, then.”
“What else do I have to do?”
“You shall still have to attend school, as is proper for a girl of your age. And to even do that, you have quite a bit of learning to do.”
I frown, “What do you mean?”
“I shall not insist on you learning to be normal, because that would be awfully dreadful. Rather, you must simply learn to temper your problems, as to call as little attention to yourself as possible. Once we’ve gotten you in school, it will be important to start on other things.”
“Such as?”
“Well, a girl of your rank will have certain responsibilities to society.”
“Of my rank? I have a rank? I thought I was just kind-of like the pond scum of society?”
Troy shakes his head slowly, “I am a very important man,” he explains, “And as such, and you now being under my care, you’ll have to become quite proper and refined. I am impressed with your gracefulness in movement, and your manner of speech, both are much more refined than one would expect from your upbringing. However, there are other things that will be important., such as learning manners and customs, and“ he frowns at me, “how one should dress.”
“Oh,” I glance down at myself, “What’s wrong with my clothes?”
“How long have you had those clothes?” He asks.
I shrug, “I’m not sure. A long time, I suppose.”
“Do you own anything else?”
“Just more things that look like this,” I glance down at my simple gray dress. It’s nearly to my knees now, I’ve grown so tall. I suppose in common society, that would be unacceptable - immodest - which must be why I need new clothes.
“I see,” he says, “Well I can’t very well take you out in public looking as such, so I suppose I shall just have to guess at sizes, then once you have something presentable to wear, I can take you out and we’ll get you measured for a wardrobe.”
“Alright,” I agree.
“Well, I believe I’ll take off to get you something now - don’t put off til tomarrow what you can accomplish today, aye?” He pulls on a dark, heavy coat then turns to look at me, “Now while I’m gone, you need to make the most of the time - here is what I want you to do: Stare. Pick anything, and fall in love with it. Your goal is to not make it noticeable that you’re entirely infatuated. You should try your best not to say anything about it, and not to touch it, or do anything that might show your affection. Am I understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
And with that, he leaves.
I close my eyes and spin around in circles until I feel as though I’ll fall over, then I open my eyes, spinning more slowly.
Sometimes this is what I do if I just want to escape, because when one is dizzy, one cannot focus on anything, and if I cannot focus on anything, I cannot fall in love with anything.
Troy’s words spin through my head.
“…. We’ll have to have a funeral arranged…”
“…We all believed that she had killed you…”
“…Perhaps, Abbey, it isn’t all that important to be normal…”
“…Mela.”
I crash to the ground, more lost and confused than I’ve ever felt in my life.
“Why did you have to die?” I whisper, “Why couldn’t things have kept being the way they were? What happened.”
I slam my fist into the floor, and a dull ache crawls up my arm.
Am I being selfish or unfair? Should I just feel sorry that mom’s gone, and not feel sorry for myself? Should I be happy that she is gone, and that finally I will be allowed to see the world?
Perhaps that is a good thing, but mostly I just feel afraid. It’s like I just closed my eyes for one second, and when I opened them an entirely new world lay before me. A world filled with beautiful things of all sorts, and terrifying things, and mostly just strange things.
I lean back and lay flat on the floor, staring up at the electric lamp on the ceiling, “Do you know why I am here?” I ask it.
Of course, the lamp does not respond, it being a lamp, but if it did, I imagine it would say something lovely, and perhaps a bit arrogant.
It would have a right to be arrogant of course, it being such a truly fascinating and wonderful lamp. And arrogance, in moderation, is not necessarily unattractive.
In fact, I believe the arrogance of said lamp to be intensely attractive.
I wish there were a way I could climb up to the lamp, just to touch it, and to know it.
I close my eyes and shake my head, “He said no touching, Abbey… er… Mela. And he would not like you closing your eyes like this, either. He thinks you need to learn to cope. And I must certainly be crazy, I never used to talk to myself like this. I suppose that is because I always talked to Percy,” I jump to my feet, “Percy!”
I must have forgotten him in all the chaos. He’ll be at the house, all alone, and likely very afraid, and very lonely, and quite hungry, too, I imagine. Unless he somehow managed to trap one of the mice that run through the house at night. But I’m afraid Percy is terribly fat, and not all that good at chasing mice, so he is likely quite hungry.
I dash out the door, set on retrieving Percy.
Unfortuanately, in my haste, I forgot a very important fact - I cannot go dashing around without thinking.
The second I swing open the door, my attention latches on the first thing I see - a carriage, pulled by two strong, chestnut horses.
Inside the carriage are three small children, and a young woman of about my age, with long, golden hair. She urges the horse to move more quickly with a flick of her reins, and with her other hand holds back one of the children from falling out of the carriage.
She is, by far, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I wonder what she is like? I wonder if she is pleasant?
She turns towards me and smiles at me, and I find myself smiling back. Then the carriage turns the corner and they are out of my sight.
I close my eyes and try to re-gain my senses, “This was a bad idea,” I whisper to myself.
“You are right, it was,” Troy grabs my arm and drags me back in the house, “When I told you that you needed to adjust to society, I did not mean for you to go gallivanting outside on your own on only the first day you are learning to adjust,” he slams the door shut behind him, “What were you thinking?”
“Percy.”
“Who?”
“My cat. He’s at my house all by himself, and he’s terribly fat, and I’m afraid he will not be able to catch any mice to eat. He might starve. And he’s awfully spoiled, and won’t know what to do with no one around. I was just going to get him.”
Troy laughs delightedly, “You ventured outside to get your cat?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that was terribly stupid, albeit interesting,” he smiles, “It’s alright, child, I shall go fetch Percy. You stay here. Go to your room and try this on,” he hands me a package wrapped in brown paper.
I wander back to the room Troy has given me to stay in while I live with him - he said that it used to belong to mother - and unwrap the brown paper package. I pull out a long, white, undergarment shift, and begin to unfold it.
And then am interrupted by a knock on my window.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Chapter 3 - I'm a little uncomfortable with how this chapter played out, so let me know what you think!
I don’t remember ever walking down the street before, although I’m sure I have, because from what I’ve read, the typical two-year-old child is able to walk, and mom did not start isolating me until that age.
Rocks… rocks! I never expected them to be so perfectly round and grey and lovely. And dirt? Why had no one ever told me what a perfect colour of brown it is? And the little children playing cricket, in their bonnets and straw hats - why had no one ever told me that there were such beautiful things to be seen? Certainly, I’d read about such things, but in the books and pictures they all seemed relatively un-phenomenal. So ordinary and bland.
But to see it, to really, truly see the world, and not through the glass window in the parlor, everything is so grand. The colours are so much brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. So bright, in fact, that they’re making my head ache just from looking at them. Perhaps that is bad, but I’ve never felt such a wonderful ache in all of my life.
In the distance, hiding behind the tall houses and buildings, and even behind the tall trees that are scattered around, there is something I’ve never noticed before, “Mountains,” I whisper, “In all the time I’ve looked out the window, I’ve never seen you.”
Troy grabs me by the arm and pulls me toward the cream-colored house, “Never xdid agree that your mother raised you correctly, hiding you away from the world as she did,” he frowns down at me, “and I suppose now that you’ll be staying with me, as it seems, we’ll have to get you adjusted to society. I shan’t have you secluded from society as your mother had. It just won’t do. You must learn to deal with your… difficulties. There won’t always be someone to take care of you.”
I nod blankly at him.
“But for now, we don’t have time, we need to make some calls and get your mother buried. Once everything is settled, then I shall begin to teach you how to be… well… functional.”
I nod again, “No one ever told me that the world was so bright,” I say softly, “And I never knew how lovely it was.”
“Of course not,” he says gruffly, “With Anastacia keeping you holed up in that horrible, dark house the way she did, what can one expect?”
“Um. I don’t know.”
“Well, close your eyes so you don’t get distracted, and I’ll guide you to the house.”
I blindly let him lead me to the house, where he proceeds to pick up the phone, send me to explore the rest of the house, then talks on the phone. I’m assuming that he’s calling whoever it is that one calls when someone dies. Or when someone suddenly finds a homeless child. Either is probable.
I slowly walk through the house, memorizing as much as I can, so perhaps I won’t have to keep my eyes open every time I walk through. After all, mom always said that it was best if I simply didn’t see anything at all, so that I couldn’t fall in love with anything. That’s why we lived in a house with only one window, and only one door. That’s why there were no lights on in our house, ever. And that’s why I may as well have been born blind.
Blind so that I couldn’t see that quilt, or that bowl of soup, or that window. I walk over to the window, not to look outside, but just to look at the window itself. I never really thought about windows all that much, moreso what was outside of the window, but now to see one, so neat and clean and beautiful - so unlike the one at home - I can’t help but notice it. How beautiful it is and how nice and… just so clean.
I close my eyes, and turn around before I open them again. I never knew that houses looked so different. I suppose I never thought that there could be so much light in a house - a window - sometimes two - in every room! And lamps and candles everywhere.
I wander back around to the room with the telephone, where Troy is still discussing important things, I suppose.
“…not sure that this would be the best arrangement for the girl,” Troy pauses, probably listening to the person on the other end of the line, “Of course. I understand,” He pauses again, “No, nobody knew about the girl! We all thought that her mother had, well, you know.” I realize that he hasn’t noticed I have entered the room, so I slip back around the corner and lean against the wall, listening.
Perhaps it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but, after all, it seems that I am the person they are talking about, so it only seems fair that I know what’s going to happen to myself. I close my eyes and pay attention.
“Of course. For now I have no problem with keeping her here. I may as well let her know. She’s at least sixteen now, she deserves to know the truth.”
“What truth?” I cannot help myself.
Troy looks up at me and nods in recognition… he has such a lovely little nod… so wonderfully shown off by his purple bowtie.
“I have to go,” Troy says into the phone, “She is here. Goodbye.”
“What truth?” I ask again.
“Sit down, child, and try very hard not to fall in love with anything.”
I nod solemnly and blink, then carefully avoid focusing on anything, “Yes, sir.”
Troy motions to a table surrounded by three wooden chairs, “Sit,” he says again.
I slide into one of the chairs. They’re dark and shiny and quite pleasant, actually. I shake my head, “No,” I whisper, and close my eyes.
“Is that what your mother taught you to do?”
“What?”
“When you fall in love with something, just to avoid it, close your eyes?”
I nod.
“Your mother’s not here anymore.”
“I know.”
“Open your eyes.”
I obey, and carefully don’t look at anything too long.
“What do you know about me?” Troy asks.
“Nothing, really,” I reply, “Just that mom said if I was ever in trouble, I should call you. That is all.”
He nods, “All right. Fair enough.”
“Why?”
“Because I think it’s time that you know the truth. How old are you, Abbey?”
“I’m sixteen. Nearly seventeen.”
“Yes. That’s right,” he leans back in the lovely wooden chair, “Abbey, why don’t I start at the beginning?”
“That sounds alright.”
“Good. Then I shall tell you a story. Your mother was once very young, as all once are, of course. And back then her name was not Anastacia. It was Ann. Plain, simple Ann. Her mother and father were very simple folk, and raised her right here in this town. Ann loved her father very much, but she and her mother never got along. When Anne was twelve years old, her father died. She became very strong willed and selfish, and did a great many disreputable things. This increased after her mother remarried. The man was, perhaps, a very selfish fellow, and he and Ann did not get along at all. And perhaps that is why Ann left. She lived with a young man for three years, during which time she had a baby,”
“Me?” I interrupt him.
“Yes,” he continues, “When the young man realized that you were, well, how you are, he left. Ann was only fifteen years old at that time. She went insane. She did very much love him, I believe, and didn’t know what to do without him. She moved back in with her parents, started putting on airs, calling herself ‘Anastacia’ and wearing fancy gloves all the time. She began to take all kinds of drugs. Then came the doctors, one after another, prescribing anything under the sun to ‘cure’ her.”
“Mom was crazy?” I whisper.
He nods, “Yes. You probably never noticed, since she’s really all you ever knew, but it is true.”
I nod, “Okay. What happened?”
“She finally became angry with her parents when they stopped paying for the drugs the doctors prescribed, and moved into that big yellow house. And no one ever saw you again. We all believed that she had killed you.”
“My father’s not dead?” I gasp suddenly, “Mom always said that he was dead.”
“No, he is not dead.”
“Where is he?”
Troy frowns, “I can’t tell you yet.”
“So what is going to happen to me?”
“You’ll stay with me, for now.”
“Why?” I blush, “I mean, I’m not meaning to be rude, I’m just curious as to how you know my mother, and why you’d be willing to keep me even for a time. I wouldn’t want to keep me - why do you?”
He sighs, “Because I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I was married to your grandmother, and I loved her until the day she died. And after her death, I suppose I tried to correct all my wrongs - to make things right with Ann, and perhaps to see my granddaughter again.”
“You’re my grandfather,” I whisper.
He nods, “Yes, I am.”
“She wouldn’t let you see me?”
“She told me you were dead.”
“She lied.”
“Yes,” he frowns, “she did. But we’ve all made our mistakes, and I’ve done things worse. Hearing from you today, it was like hearing from a ghost. My word, but you don’t look a thing like her. You look just like your father, you know?”
“Who was he?”
“That is a story for another day,” the elderly man stands up and pushes the chair back into the table, “I don’t agree with the way your mother raised you, but then again I don’t agree with the way I raised her. I can’t change the past, but I suppose I can do my best to change you.”
I shake my head, “No one can change me. Mom said that no one ever could. She said I’ll never be normal.”
Troy cocks his head, reminiscent of the pictures of those sad hound dogs I’ve seen in pictures in books, “Perhaps, Abbey, it isn’t all that important to be normal,” he walks over and places a hand on my shoulder, “perhaps it’s just important to be you.”
“But I can’t be around people. I can’t do things. I can’t be me.”
He frowns, “I wonder what gave you that idea? I think you’re fantastic. Of course you’ll have to learn to control yourself,” he grins crookedly, “Don’t think I didn’t see you hugging the dresser in the parlor.”
I blush, “I’m sorry, I just, I couldn’t -”
“No worries, child. I’m just saying. You’re not bad. You’re you. And that’s okay.”
“It was never okay before.”
“It is now,” he turns to walk away, and then stops, “Why do you call yourself by your middle name?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your middle name, Abbey. Why do you not use your first?”
“Abbey is my name.”
“No, it is not,” he turns to look at me.
“That’s what mom told me. She said that was my name. She always called me Abbey.”
“Oh, yes, I suppose that makes sense,” he turns to walk away again.
“Aren’t you going to tell me?”
“Do you want to know?”
“Of course. I just found out today that most of my life’s been a lie. I got to see the world as it really is - not just out the window. And you say it’s okay to be me. So I guess now that I’m finally figuring out who I actually am, I should know my actual name, too.”
“Your father chose your name,” Troy smiles, “Dawn.”
Rocks… rocks! I never expected them to be so perfectly round and grey and lovely. And dirt? Why had no one ever told me what a perfect colour of brown it is? And the little children playing cricket, in their bonnets and straw hats - why had no one ever told me that there were such beautiful things to be seen? Certainly, I’d read about such things, but in the books and pictures they all seemed relatively un-phenomenal. So ordinary and bland.
But to see it, to really, truly see the world, and not through the glass window in the parlor, everything is so grand. The colours are so much brighter than anything I’ve ever seen. So bright, in fact, that they’re making my head ache just from looking at them. Perhaps that is bad, but I’ve never felt such a wonderful ache in all of my life.
In the distance, hiding behind the tall houses and buildings, and even behind the tall trees that are scattered around, there is something I’ve never noticed before, “Mountains,” I whisper, “In all the time I’ve looked out the window, I’ve never seen you.”
Troy grabs me by the arm and pulls me toward the cream-colored house, “Never xdid agree that your mother raised you correctly, hiding you away from the world as she did,” he frowns down at me, “and I suppose now that you’ll be staying with me, as it seems, we’ll have to get you adjusted to society. I shan’t have you secluded from society as your mother had. It just won’t do. You must learn to deal with your… difficulties. There won’t always be someone to take care of you.”
I nod blankly at him.
“But for now, we don’t have time, we need to make some calls and get your mother buried. Once everything is settled, then I shall begin to teach you how to be… well… functional.”
I nod again, “No one ever told me that the world was so bright,” I say softly, “And I never knew how lovely it was.”
“Of course not,” he says gruffly, “With Anastacia keeping you holed up in that horrible, dark house the way she did, what can one expect?”
“Um. I don’t know.”
“Well, close your eyes so you don’t get distracted, and I’ll guide you to the house.”
I blindly let him lead me to the house, where he proceeds to pick up the phone, send me to explore the rest of the house, then talks on the phone. I’m assuming that he’s calling whoever it is that one calls when someone dies. Or when someone suddenly finds a homeless child. Either is probable.
I slowly walk through the house, memorizing as much as I can, so perhaps I won’t have to keep my eyes open every time I walk through. After all, mom always said that it was best if I simply didn’t see anything at all, so that I couldn’t fall in love with anything. That’s why we lived in a house with only one window, and only one door. That’s why there were no lights on in our house, ever. And that’s why I may as well have been born blind.
Blind so that I couldn’t see that quilt, or that bowl of soup, or that window. I walk over to the window, not to look outside, but just to look at the window itself. I never really thought about windows all that much, moreso what was outside of the window, but now to see one, so neat and clean and beautiful - so unlike the one at home - I can’t help but notice it. How beautiful it is and how nice and… just so clean.
I close my eyes, and turn around before I open them again. I never knew that houses looked so different. I suppose I never thought that there could be so much light in a house - a window - sometimes two - in every room! And lamps and candles everywhere.
I wander back around to the room with the telephone, where Troy is still discussing important things, I suppose.
“…not sure that this would be the best arrangement for the girl,” Troy pauses, probably listening to the person on the other end of the line, “Of course. I understand,” He pauses again, “No, nobody knew about the girl! We all thought that her mother had, well, you know.” I realize that he hasn’t noticed I have entered the room, so I slip back around the corner and lean against the wall, listening.
Perhaps it’s wrong to eavesdrop, but, after all, it seems that I am the person they are talking about, so it only seems fair that I know what’s going to happen to myself. I close my eyes and pay attention.
“Of course. For now I have no problem with keeping her here. I may as well let her know. She’s at least sixteen now, she deserves to know the truth.”
“What truth?” I cannot help myself.
Troy looks up at me and nods in recognition… he has such a lovely little nod… so wonderfully shown off by his purple bowtie.
“I have to go,” Troy says into the phone, “She is here. Goodbye.”
“What truth?” I ask again.
“Sit down, child, and try very hard not to fall in love with anything.”
I nod solemnly and blink, then carefully avoid focusing on anything, “Yes, sir.”
Troy motions to a table surrounded by three wooden chairs, “Sit,” he says again.
I slide into one of the chairs. They’re dark and shiny and quite pleasant, actually. I shake my head, “No,” I whisper, and close my eyes.
“Is that what your mother taught you to do?”
“What?”
“When you fall in love with something, just to avoid it, close your eyes?”
I nod.
“Your mother’s not here anymore.”
“I know.”
“Open your eyes.”
I obey, and carefully don’t look at anything too long.
“What do you know about me?” Troy asks.
“Nothing, really,” I reply, “Just that mom said if I was ever in trouble, I should call you. That is all.”
He nods, “All right. Fair enough.”
“Why?”
“Because I think it’s time that you know the truth. How old are you, Abbey?”
“I’m sixteen. Nearly seventeen.”
“Yes. That’s right,” he leans back in the lovely wooden chair, “Abbey, why don’t I start at the beginning?”
“That sounds alright.”
“Good. Then I shall tell you a story. Your mother was once very young, as all once are, of course. And back then her name was not Anastacia. It was Ann. Plain, simple Ann. Her mother and father were very simple folk, and raised her right here in this town. Ann loved her father very much, but she and her mother never got along. When Anne was twelve years old, her father died. She became very strong willed and selfish, and did a great many disreputable things. This increased after her mother remarried. The man was, perhaps, a very selfish fellow, and he and Ann did not get along at all. And perhaps that is why Ann left. She lived with a young man for three years, during which time she had a baby,”
“Me?” I interrupt him.
“Yes,” he continues, “When the young man realized that you were, well, how you are, he left. Ann was only fifteen years old at that time. She went insane. She did very much love him, I believe, and didn’t know what to do without him. She moved back in with her parents, started putting on airs, calling herself ‘Anastacia’ and wearing fancy gloves all the time. She began to take all kinds of drugs. Then came the doctors, one after another, prescribing anything under the sun to ‘cure’ her.”
“Mom was crazy?” I whisper.
He nods, “Yes. You probably never noticed, since she’s really all you ever knew, but it is true.”
I nod, “Okay. What happened?”
“She finally became angry with her parents when they stopped paying for the drugs the doctors prescribed, and moved into that big yellow house. And no one ever saw you again. We all believed that she had killed you.”
“My father’s not dead?” I gasp suddenly, “Mom always said that he was dead.”
“No, he is not dead.”
“Where is he?”
Troy frowns, “I can’t tell you yet.”
“So what is going to happen to me?”
“You’ll stay with me, for now.”
“Why?” I blush, “I mean, I’m not meaning to be rude, I’m just curious as to how you know my mother, and why you’d be willing to keep me even for a time. I wouldn’t want to keep me - why do you?”
He sighs, “Because I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“I was married to your grandmother, and I loved her until the day she died. And after her death, I suppose I tried to correct all my wrongs - to make things right with Ann, and perhaps to see my granddaughter again.”
“You’re my grandfather,” I whisper.
He nods, “Yes, I am.”
“She wouldn’t let you see me?”
“She told me you were dead.”
“She lied.”
“Yes,” he frowns, “she did. But we’ve all made our mistakes, and I’ve done things worse. Hearing from you today, it was like hearing from a ghost. My word, but you don’t look a thing like her. You look just like your father, you know?”
“Who was he?”
“That is a story for another day,” the elderly man stands up and pushes the chair back into the table, “I don’t agree with the way your mother raised you, but then again I don’t agree with the way I raised her. I can’t change the past, but I suppose I can do my best to change you.”
I shake my head, “No one can change me. Mom said that no one ever could. She said I’ll never be normal.”
Troy cocks his head, reminiscent of the pictures of those sad hound dogs I’ve seen in pictures in books, “Perhaps, Abbey, it isn’t all that important to be normal,” he walks over and places a hand on my shoulder, “perhaps it’s just important to be you.”
“But I can’t be around people. I can’t do things. I can’t be me.”
He frowns, “I wonder what gave you that idea? I think you’re fantastic. Of course you’ll have to learn to control yourself,” he grins crookedly, “Don’t think I didn’t see you hugging the dresser in the parlor.”
I blush, “I’m sorry, I just, I couldn’t -”
“No worries, child. I’m just saying. You’re not bad. You’re you. And that’s okay.”
“It was never okay before.”
“It is now,” he turns to walk away, and then stops, “Why do you call yourself by your middle name?”
“Excuse me?”
“Your middle name, Abbey. Why do you not use your first?”
“Abbey is my name.”
“No, it is not,” he turns to look at me.
“That’s what mom told me. She said that was my name. She always called me Abbey.”
“Oh, yes, I suppose that makes sense,” he turns to walk away again.
“Aren’t you going to tell me?”
“Do you want to know?”
“Of course. I just found out today that most of my life’s been a lie. I got to see the world as it really is - not just out the window. And you say it’s okay to be me. So I guess now that I’m finally figuring out who I actually am, I should know my actual name, too.”
“Your father chose your name,” Troy smiles, “Dawn.”
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Chapter 2
“I love me!” I squeal, looking at my reflection in the mirror the following morning, “I’m so cute and nice and interesting! Who wouldn’t love me?”
Then I frown and close my eyes, realizing that I Haven’t a clue whether anyone would love me or not, as I’ve never met anyone.
I stroke Percy, who is sitting patiently on my lap waiting for me to finish sulking.
“I’m sorry, Percy,” I apologize to him, “sometimes I just wish I were normal.”
He meows at me, and I imagine if he could speak he would be saying something to the effect of, “feed me”.
“Oh, all right, come on, Percy,” I scoop him up in my arms and walk down to the kitchen, “What time is it, Percy? Is it time for breakfast?” I pull a watch out of my pocket, and begrudgingly check the time. 8:01. I’m late.
But oh, my watch is so handsome. The way it keeps time so flawless. I simply want to kiss it. I squeeze my eyes shut as I walk into the kitchen.
“Sorry I’m late for breakfast, mom. I know you hate it when I’m late.”
Mom doesn’t reply.
“Mom I know you’re mad, but I’m really sorry, and I wish you’d at least wish me a good morning.”
And she still remains silent.
“Mom? Are you here?” I open one eye cautiously, careful not to look at any one thing in the room for too long. I open both my eyes, “mom?”
I walk to her room, eyes closed, and push open the door, “Mom? Are you in here?”
Still no reply.
She would tell me if she was to be gone this morning, wouldn’t she have?
“Mom?” I glance carefully around the room and… there she is, lying in bed. She must have overslept.
How strange, I don’t believe she’s ever overslept before.
She looks so sweet and peaceful lying in the bed, like an angel or fairy. And her golden hair almost seems to glow of it’s own accord, it’s so shiny.
“Mom?” I approach her and touch her shoulder, “Wake up, mom.”
She doesn’t move. Doesn’t open her eyes. Doesn’t breathe.
She doesn’t breathe.
She didn’t breathe.
She isn’t breathing.
She’s… dead.
I stare at her. Her pale face and her limp hands. I wonder what it’s like to be dead. I wonder what it’s like to fall asleep and never wake up.
I squeeze my eyes closed, “Think, Abbey, think” I scold myself. I try to remember something - anything - that might help me.
“If ever something should happen to me, Abbey,” I remember her saying, “You must remember this number, and dial it on the telephone. A man whose name is Troy lives in the house two doors down, and he will come and help you.”
But what was the number?
I frantically start rummaging through the house… a piece of paper… so clean and white, so selfless, so unassuming, so - no - not that, and a phone book, so full of information, and thoughtful, and sweet, and, oh! How lovely a thing! But, no! I have to focus. I have to.
I’ve found that it is vastly difficult to find something if one does not know what one is looking for, as the case currently is. And after a long and unproductive search, I find myself once again in mom’s bedroom, standing next to the bed and staring at her pale face.
“If only it had been me instead,” I whisper, “If only I had died. I am of no consequense. No one loves me. No one needs me. No one even knows my name. The world would not care if I had passed. But you - you were my world, and now I don’t know what to do, and I dearly wish you had not passed.”
“7757.”
The numbers run through my head as clearly as anything I’ve ever known. The phone number. Troy’s phone number.
I frantically race to the phone - the telephone - such a perfect invention - so shapely and shiny and just the right shade of red. I wonder why they say one is “punching in” a number? Does the telephone object to being punched? Does it care? I simply cannot hurt the dear, dear telephone! No, I cannot punch in this number!
But I have to. I have to call Troy. I have to get help.
What will happen if I don’t? I’ll stay here. With a dead woman. And then I’ll die, because I’ll never get food again. And I’ll starve.
I squeeze my eyes shut and wonder if it’d really be so bad to die. Perhaps starvation isn’t the best, but mom has a whole cabinent full of medicines that she took for her nerves, and perhaps if I took a few bottles I would just fall asleep and never wake up again and… no… I cannot.
I punch in the number without opening my eyes and hold the phone to my ear. It rings once… twice…
Perhaps he will not answer? Perhaps he is outside, taking a stroll in the park? Perhaps he, too, is dead?
Three times…
Perhaps he simply doesn’t care for the troubles of a girl he’s never met and her dead mother? Or maybe he’s misplaced his telephone and can’t find it?
Four times…
Or maybe he -
“Hello?”
For a moment I forget to respond. I don’t remember what anyone’s voice sounded like except for mom’s - I suppose I thought everyone sounded like her.
“Hello?” the voice says again.
“Hi,” I say, “Is this Troy?”
“Indeed it is. And who might this be?”
“My name is Abbey.”
“Abbey? Abbey who?”
“Abbey Vicar. I live two doors down from you, in the big yellow house. My mother, Anastasia, said that if ever something were to happen to her, I was to call you?”
“Abbey?” He sounds somewhat stunned.
“Yes.”
“My goodness. I didn’t know that she even kept you,” He seems to be talking more to himself than to me, so I don’t respond. After a few seconds, he continues, “Abbey Vicar, why are you calling me?”
“Are you angry? I’m sorry if you’re angry. It’s just that I-”
“I’m not angry, child. Just astonished, is all.”
“Well… that’s good, I think.”
“Indeed, now why is it you were calling?”
“I need your help. Mom is dead.”
“Excuse me?”
I wonder if he actually intends for me to repeat myself, but I do anyways, just in case, “Mom is dead.”
“Oh my.”
“Yes. I need your help. I don’t know what to do. She said to call you. She said you would help.”
“Why, yes, of course I’ll help. I’ll be right there.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” I hear a click, signifying that he’s hung up, so I follow suit.
I make my way back to mom’s bedroom, somehow hoping that maybe I was wrong. Perhaps she isn’t dead, perhaps she’s simply sleeping.
“Sleeping without breathing,” I mutter to myself.
I watch her silently, thinking that perhaps if I’m very, very good, perhaps she will come back. Perhaps God won’t take her yet. Perhaps he would take me instead. I shake my head and close my eyes, willing myself not to cry.
Knock, knock, knock.
I jump in surprise at the sudden noise. What is that?
Knock, knock, knock… Knock, knock, knock.
The door! Someone is knocking on the door. Troy!
I run as fast as I can to answer the door, careful as not to be distracted by anything along the way, and fling open the door.
“Hello,” says the elderly gentleman, “I am Troy. You must be Abbey.”
I nod, entirely entranced by the man. His blue eyes sparkle with kindness and love, and his wrinkled little face is drawn into a small smile.
It’s like everything I’ve ever seen through the windows, and every word I’ve read in every book. It’s like something I once saw through a fog is now ever so clear and standing in front of me.
And I’m in love.
“Abbey, are you alright?” He asks kindly.
“Y-y-yes…” I stutter, “I mean… no?” I slap my hand over my eyes, “I don’t know what I mean.”
“Where is your mother?”
“In her bedroom. Follow me,” I keep my eyes closed as I lead him to mom’s room, then allow myself to carefully watch, without focusing on any one thing too much, as he checks her pulse and her breathing.
Finally, he turns to look at me (and I close my eyes, naturally), “Well, Abbey, you’re right. She is dead. Why don’t you come to my house, I’ll need to make some phone calls.”
I cautitiously open my eyes, “To who?”
“To people who can help. We’ll have to have a funeral arranged, and -” He suddenly looks at me and I jerk my gaze to the floor - the handsome, sturdy floor, with all of it’s handsomeness and - I snap my eyes shut, and Troy continues, “What to do with you?”
“What do you mean, what to do with me?”
“Well, you can’t stay here alone,” the old man sighs unhappily, “pack your things. You’ll stay with me for now. And hurry. I do have things to do, so don’t take all day.”
“Yes, sir,” I mumble.
It’s a good thing it’s impossible to see change - because I think I hate it.
Then I frown and close my eyes, realizing that I Haven’t a clue whether anyone would love me or not, as I’ve never met anyone.
I stroke Percy, who is sitting patiently on my lap waiting for me to finish sulking.
“I’m sorry, Percy,” I apologize to him, “sometimes I just wish I were normal.”
He meows at me, and I imagine if he could speak he would be saying something to the effect of, “feed me”.
“Oh, all right, come on, Percy,” I scoop him up in my arms and walk down to the kitchen, “What time is it, Percy? Is it time for breakfast?” I pull a watch out of my pocket, and begrudgingly check the time. 8:01. I’m late.
But oh, my watch is so handsome. The way it keeps time so flawless. I simply want to kiss it. I squeeze my eyes shut as I walk into the kitchen.
“Sorry I’m late for breakfast, mom. I know you hate it when I’m late.”
Mom doesn’t reply.
“Mom I know you’re mad, but I’m really sorry, and I wish you’d at least wish me a good morning.”
And she still remains silent.
“Mom? Are you here?” I open one eye cautiously, careful not to look at any one thing in the room for too long. I open both my eyes, “mom?”
I walk to her room, eyes closed, and push open the door, “Mom? Are you in here?”
Still no reply.
She would tell me if she was to be gone this morning, wouldn’t she have?
“Mom?” I glance carefully around the room and… there she is, lying in bed. She must have overslept.
How strange, I don’t believe she’s ever overslept before.
She looks so sweet and peaceful lying in the bed, like an angel or fairy. And her golden hair almost seems to glow of it’s own accord, it’s so shiny.
“Mom?” I approach her and touch her shoulder, “Wake up, mom.”
She doesn’t move. Doesn’t open her eyes. Doesn’t breathe.
She doesn’t breathe.
She didn’t breathe.
She isn’t breathing.
She’s… dead.
I stare at her. Her pale face and her limp hands. I wonder what it’s like to be dead. I wonder what it’s like to fall asleep and never wake up.
I squeeze my eyes closed, “Think, Abbey, think” I scold myself. I try to remember something - anything - that might help me.
“If ever something should happen to me, Abbey,” I remember her saying, “You must remember this number, and dial it on the telephone. A man whose name is Troy lives in the house two doors down, and he will come and help you.”
But what was the number?
I frantically start rummaging through the house… a piece of paper… so clean and white, so selfless, so unassuming, so - no - not that, and a phone book, so full of information, and thoughtful, and sweet, and, oh! How lovely a thing! But, no! I have to focus. I have to.
I’ve found that it is vastly difficult to find something if one does not know what one is looking for, as the case currently is. And after a long and unproductive search, I find myself once again in mom’s bedroom, standing next to the bed and staring at her pale face.
“If only it had been me instead,” I whisper, “If only I had died. I am of no consequense. No one loves me. No one needs me. No one even knows my name. The world would not care if I had passed. But you - you were my world, and now I don’t know what to do, and I dearly wish you had not passed.”
“7757.”
The numbers run through my head as clearly as anything I’ve ever known. The phone number. Troy’s phone number.
I frantically race to the phone - the telephone - such a perfect invention - so shapely and shiny and just the right shade of red. I wonder why they say one is “punching in” a number? Does the telephone object to being punched? Does it care? I simply cannot hurt the dear, dear telephone! No, I cannot punch in this number!
But I have to. I have to call Troy. I have to get help.
What will happen if I don’t? I’ll stay here. With a dead woman. And then I’ll die, because I’ll never get food again. And I’ll starve.
I squeeze my eyes shut and wonder if it’d really be so bad to die. Perhaps starvation isn’t the best, but mom has a whole cabinent full of medicines that she took for her nerves, and perhaps if I took a few bottles I would just fall asleep and never wake up again and… no… I cannot.
I punch in the number without opening my eyes and hold the phone to my ear. It rings once… twice…
Perhaps he will not answer? Perhaps he is outside, taking a stroll in the park? Perhaps he, too, is dead?
Three times…
Perhaps he simply doesn’t care for the troubles of a girl he’s never met and her dead mother? Or maybe he’s misplaced his telephone and can’t find it?
Four times…
Or maybe he -
“Hello?”
For a moment I forget to respond. I don’t remember what anyone’s voice sounded like except for mom’s - I suppose I thought everyone sounded like her.
“Hello?” the voice says again.
“Hi,” I say, “Is this Troy?”
“Indeed it is. And who might this be?”
“My name is Abbey.”
“Abbey? Abbey who?”
“Abbey Vicar. I live two doors down from you, in the big yellow house. My mother, Anastasia, said that if ever something were to happen to her, I was to call you?”
“Abbey?” He sounds somewhat stunned.
“Yes.”
“My goodness. I didn’t know that she even kept you,” He seems to be talking more to himself than to me, so I don’t respond. After a few seconds, he continues, “Abbey Vicar, why are you calling me?”
“Are you angry? I’m sorry if you’re angry. It’s just that I-”
“I’m not angry, child. Just astonished, is all.”
“Well… that’s good, I think.”
“Indeed, now why is it you were calling?”
“I need your help. Mom is dead.”
“Excuse me?”
I wonder if he actually intends for me to repeat myself, but I do anyways, just in case, “Mom is dead.”
“Oh my.”
“Yes. I need your help. I don’t know what to do. She said to call you. She said you would help.”
“Why, yes, of course I’ll help. I’ll be right there.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course,” I hear a click, signifying that he’s hung up, so I follow suit.
I make my way back to mom’s bedroom, somehow hoping that maybe I was wrong. Perhaps she isn’t dead, perhaps she’s simply sleeping.
“Sleeping without breathing,” I mutter to myself.
I watch her silently, thinking that perhaps if I’m very, very good, perhaps she will come back. Perhaps God won’t take her yet. Perhaps he would take me instead. I shake my head and close my eyes, willing myself not to cry.
Knock, knock, knock.
I jump in surprise at the sudden noise. What is that?
Knock, knock, knock… Knock, knock, knock.
The door! Someone is knocking on the door. Troy!
I run as fast as I can to answer the door, careful as not to be distracted by anything along the way, and fling open the door.
“Hello,” says the elderly gentleman, “I am Troy. You must be Abbey.”
I nod, entirely entranced by the man. His blue eyes sparkle with kindness and love, and his wrinkled little face is drawn into a small smile.
It’s like everything I’ve ever seen through the windows, and every word I’ve read in every book. It’s like something I once saw through a fog is now ever so clear and standing in front of me.
And I’m in love.
“Abbey, are you alright?” He asks kindly.
“Y-y-yes…” I stutter, “I mean… no?” I slap my hand over my eyes, “I don’t know what I mean.”
“Where is your mother?”
“In her bedroom. Follow me,” I keep my eyes closed as I lead him to mom’s room, then allow myself to carefully watch, without focusing on any one thing too much, as he checks her pulse and her breathing.
Finally, he turns to look at me (and I close my eyes, naturally), “Well, Abbey, you’re right. She is dead. Why don’t you come to my house, I’ll need to make some phone calls.”
I cautitiously open my eyes, “To who?”
“To people who can help. We’ll have to have a funeral arranged, and -” He suddenly looks at me and I jerk my gaze to the floor - the handsome, sturdy floor, with all of it’s handsomeness and - I snap my eyes shut, and Troy continues, “What to do with you?”
“What do you mean, what to do with me?”
“Well, you can’t stay here alone,” the old man sighs unhappily, “pack your things. You’ll stay with me for now. And hurry. I do have things to do, so don’t take all day.”
“Yes, sir,” I mumble.
It’s a good thing it’s impossible to see change - because I think I hate it.
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